I have been sitting staring at the clock for at lest an hour, watching the “:” between the hours and minutes blink time away. Perhaps having the triple rum and coke at 1:30 am wasn’t such a good idea. Caffeine and sugar ~ yeah, um, don’t think so. Some day I may consider it a celebratory drink. Right then, I was hoping it would cloud some of the confusion and knock me on my ass enough to sleep ~ not that lucky.

I’m frozen here, staring at the clock. My gut is in a thousand knots and I wish I could puke them all out. I know what I need to do, but I’m scared shitless. So I sit and stare, :, :, :, : …………..
“Common, move forward dammit,” some voice bigger than me urges, “take that first step. Common.”

Sign #1

Something out of the corner of my eye catches my attention, a red glow that appears to be moving. I turn and look. It’s the screen of the eliptical that shares this room. As its dotted letters scroll I catch three words:

FUEL YOUR LIFE

Huh? I rub my sleep deprived eyes. Thinking I’ve lost it, and it’s been to long to still be drunk. I read again……..

FUEL YOUR LIFE

It hits me like a ton of bricks. This is what I am supposed to do. No one else is going to do it for me. For years I have listened to people tell me how much potential I have. I’ve accomplished a lot but right now I feel like I have coasted on 10, maybe 20% of my true potential. And what has stopped me? FEAR.

Fear of what? I really can’t tell you. That’s something I have now decided to finally figure out. Consider it my hunt for big game. Because once I track what it is, from the trail of clues that weaves through my life; and once I wrestle it down and pierce its evil heart and watch it wither and die; there will be no stopping me.

Sign #2

“Start your story. Write your diary.” says the voice. I am still contemplating “FUEL YOUR LIFE”, and back to staring at the clock, :, :, :, : …………………
“Stop thinking, and put it all down, get it out, get it down, get moving. And btw, use a Blog.”
“Huh?” Since when did the all knowing voices start blogging?

A few deep convincing breaths, and I boot up my laptop. For whatever reason, I open my email first……??
Duh, like anyone, besides penis enlargement specialists, are going to be emailing me now, people in my part of the world are still sleeping! (wish I was)

Of the 2,000 emails in my inbox (yes, I have filing issues), the one email at the top is the WordPress new blog confirmation email.

WHAT?!

I look again. Can’t be. Look away, look again. Sure enough, it is.
So, why is this weird? Because I had no intention of using this account. I set it up weeks ago as research for a client project, and then forgot about it. And now, here it is, right in front of me. I think the Universe is trying to make a believer out of me.